


Match my Breath

by lumiinarii, platanosandprejudice (platanosandpre)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Breathplay, Communication Issues tm, Dissociation, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kink Discovery, M/M, Meddling, Multimedia, Nipple Play, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Porn with Feelings, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Oma Kokichi, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, trans miu iruma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2019-10-08 18:44:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumiinarii/pseuds/lumiinarii, https://archiveofourown.org/users/platanosandpre/pseuds/platanosandprejudice
Summary: Kokichi and Shuichi have known each other for nearly a decade and loved each other for at least two of those years. Unfortunately, neither of them knows the feelings are mutual. Their friends celebrate when the two boys finally get together, but unfortunately, that's just the start of a series of misunderstandings.A multi-media oumasai fic.





	1. Double Heartbeat Broke the Metronome

**Author's Note:**

> This is a multimedia story! 
> 
> To get the whole story, check out the RP blogs
> 
> Kaito Momota :https://lets-get-physics-al.tumblr.com/
> 
> Shuichi Saihara: https://detectivescribblings.tumblr.com/
> 
> Kokichi Ouma: https://kokichi-suggestions.tumblr.com/
> 
> Miu Iruma: https://xxgorgeousgirlgeniusxx.tumblr.com/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi had expectations--Shuichi didn't meet them.
> 
> Many thanks to platanosandprejudice for enabling me lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so for those of u coming back to read this, I ended up taking out all the songfic elements--they don't really fit with the rest of the fic lmao but yeah here we are

_Fingertips ghosted down his back, the gentle touch itching-tickling-making him feel like he wanted to break out of his skin. He knew he was holding his breath, knew he needed to let go, but-_

_Breath ghosted against his ear. He subconsciously moved away, eyes fluttering shut as lips brushed his neck, hovering at his pulse point._

_“Breathe. I’ve got you. Hey…”_

_The soft, roaming hands reached around him, one cradling his head, leaning against a crown of dark hair. He felt soothing circles being rubbed into the base of his skull, lulling him into a sense of security and safety as he shakily placed his hands against a heaving chest. He squeezed his eyes tight, biting his lip hard as the lips moved farther down--fluttering eyelashes brushing his jaw--throat--a lingering kiss pressed to his collarbone--before their owner rested his palm against Kokichi’s cheek--pulling him into a searing kiss._

_He pulled his leg up to pull the other man closer until their hips were flush together--it startled their lips apart--he let out a soft whimper._

_“God…”_

_Rapidly, he felt lips at the corner of his own again, and again--and open-mouthed, to his jaw again--down his neck as he bucked his hips to get more friction--then they vanished, save for the breath heavy against his face._

_“Kokichi?”_

_He didn’t realize he was crying until the hand holding his face swept a thumb across his cheek, wiping away salty tears. He opened his eyes, and fought back a fresh wave of tears at the soft halo of daylight framing the face that met him. His hands moved from his chest to bare shoulders, warm from the sunlight and the heart beating out of time--pumping blood so fast through his body until he felt like he was going to faint--a light blush tinting skin red from the passion--love--intimacy he was diving into._

_Kokichi gave a soft, reassuring smile. He reached up to brush dark hair out of a set of concerned golden eyes--locked on his own._

_So beautiful--so kind._

_So gentle._

_Kokichi shivered beneath them, moving closer to press his lips to their lids--let out a soft gasp as he felt hands close around his wrists--tongue being gently dragged across his jawbone. Then felt his skin set ablaze as his wrists were pressed back into the mattress._

_Those eyes were on him again, watching his every move._

_Those beautiful, loving eyes._

_He wanted to keep them forever._

_Even if it meant gouging them out._

 

* * *

 

_Inhale._

_1\. 2. 3. 4. 5._

_Hold.  Note the on-beat._

_1\. 2. 3. 4. 5._

_Exhale._

_1\. 2. 3. 4. 5._

_What is your favorite color?_

_Inhale._

_1\. 2. 3. 4. 5._

_Don’t think about the dark blue bedsheets. Note the on-beat._

_1\. 2. 3. 4. 5._

_Don’t think about how soft his hands are. Note the on-beat._

_1._

_Beat._

_3._

_Beat._

_Ba-_ **_dum_ ** _. Ba-_ **_dum_ ** _._

The tooth worrying his lip broke through skin, filling Kokichi’s mouth with the taste of blood. He leaned back against the couch, chest constricting as he slipped from the rhythm of his breathing and his hand still lingering just beneath his jaw.

_“Your heart’s beating so fast, Kokichi.”_

“Hey, bitch! I’m talking to you!”

He jumped from his stupor, and immediately pulled his hand down, wincing at the sudden stimulus. “Since when do you wake up before noon? Robo-bitch finally call for a hookup?”

The sofa cushion shifted as Miu fell beside him, jostling him and forcing him to sit up straighter. “You don’t have class today, right?”

“What’s it to you, huh?”

“And you can work on commissions in the evening, right?”

“Why-”

She let out a huff, crossing one leg over the other and placing an arm across his shoulders. “Shuichi blow you off for breakfast?”

Kokichi frowned. “I didn’t-”

“Didn’t hafta tell me anything,” Miu interrupted, rubbing his shoulder with her thumb. “I can smell a broken heart a mile away.”

“It’s not _broken_ ,” he tried to protest, before a finger pressed against his lips.

“Who cares? Broken, lonely, in need of a good fuck with no relief in sight, doesn’t matter! You deal with them the same.” Miu’s finger traveled up to poke his nose, a grin spreading across her face. “Awful breakfast food. There’s a place just opened up off 12th, I’m taking you.”

Kokichi didn’t say anything, pulling one leg up to rest his chin on. “I’d rather stay home and cry all day. Or…” He tilted his head, burying his cheek into his knee. “...Maybe that’s a lie, and I’m just trying to get you to leave without me so Shuichi can come over for round 2.”

“First, that’s bullshit, you're just gonna cry all day. Second, I don’t recall fuckin’ asking.” She reached over, hooking an arm beneath his leg, and with a screech, Kokichi was flung over her shoulder. “Just gimme a sec to find my shoes- _Jesus, let go!_ ” Miu reached up to pry her hair out of his hands, holding a wrist captive.

“Miu, put me the _fuck_ down, or I swear to God I’m going to _rip your fucking tits off_.”

“Ooh, that’s kinky,” Miu mused before unceremoniously dropping Kokichi on the floor, ignoring the resulting wail and fake tears that spilled out of him. “You still don’t have a choice, though. Go put on some eyeliner, we’re getting pancakes or I don’t have the biggest tits in this whole goddamn apartment building.”

 

* * *

 

_“Hey-”_

_Shuichi cut himself off with a high pitched moan, his nails digging in just ever-so-slightly deeper into pale skin as Kokichi fell flush against his lap for a few moments, eyes screwed tight._

_“Do you need to take a break?”_

_Kokichi kept moving, sliding up--down--in--out--taking all of him--and didn’t respond._

_"Kokichi."_

_He snapped to attention, clearly lost in his own head. "...Uh?"_

_"Do you need to take a break?"_

_Kokichi stared at Shuichi blankly for a few moments, then nodded slowly. But he still made no move, Shuichi still deep inside him, thighs still taut around his hips._

_Shuichi frowned, biting his lip, and lifted the other boy off to rest beside him. He reached up, brushing hair away from his face to see that he was still breathing hard, eyes staring off into nowhere as he rested his head against his arm. Shuichi stayed quiet, letting his hand rest against Kokichi’s hip, running his hand up and down his thigh and back up to his waist to sooth him and bring him back into his own head._

_“Still okay? We can stop any time.”_

_Kokichi nodded again, closing his eyes and humming to himself. “Just… dissociating. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he mumbled with a vacant smile, nuzzling into Shuichi’s shoulder and breathing deeply._

_Shuichi gave him a small smile in return, pulling him closer so that he laid flush against his chest. The other boy sighed appreciatively, nuzzling into his collarbone, and let out a soft croon when Shuichi pressed his lips to the top of Kokichi’s head._

_“Just let me know when you come back down, mkay?”_

_Kokichi pressed his face in a bit closer, letting out a few long breaths, then nodded. “Okay.”_

_The moment lasted several minutes, the smaller boy occasionally tracing shapes on his skin and letting out soft humming noises, until he took a deep breath and pulled himself out of Shuichi’s arms. “I’m back.”_

_“Are we good?”_

_Kokichi sat up, placing his hands on Shuichi’s shoulders._

_“We’re good.”_

_Shuichi made to sit up as well when the other boy slung one of his legs over him, effectively straddling his hips, and leaned down to kiss him again._

_“Sorry about the interruption, little guy~” Shuichi opened his mouth to ask what he meant by ‘little guy when he let out a particularly loud yelp as Kokichi wrapped his hand around him, drawing his thighs closer together so that he was reaching between them to do so. “Can’t wait to get this back inside me though…”_

_Shuichi flushed helplessly, placing his hands on Kokichi’s legs and running them up and down, biting his lip hard as he brought them up to squeeze his ass. “God… You’re gorgeous.”_

_Kokichi looked up again, a twinkle in his eye, and began to lower his hips. “Mm…”  He sat up straight, heat pooling in his stomach as Shuichi entered him again. “Anything in particular? What do you wanna see more of, detective?”_

_He let out a soft cry as their hips finally collided, and he was stuffed to the brim. Shuichi quickly sat up again, stifling his voice with a kiss. “God… Everything?” He pulled away a bit, then kissed his nose with a soft smile. “Absolutely everything.”_

 

* * *

 

"I don’t like orange juice.”

“Why’d you order it then?”

“To annoy you?”

Miu smirked. “There's my little shithead. Told you, breakfast saves lives.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kokichi said smoothly, waving a forkful of strawberry pancakes through the air. “I’m miserable--look at me, I’ve practically got the knife at my wrist right now.” He glanced down at the fork, then shrugged, shoving the whole thing in his mouth. “Dishregard the pancakeths.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Miu reached across the table to grab a packet of jam, fiddling with the wrapper to try and figure out how it worked.

“I may not be gettin’ fucked over by the guy I’ve had a crush on since the 8th fuckin’ grade, but I know how it feels to feel…” She sighed, rolling her shoulders back and finally ripping the jam open. “Used?”

“...That’s a good word for it,” he mumbled, setting his fork down. He looked down at the packet of jam she was fiddling with and let his tooth return to worrying his lip. “I dunno. I know he didn’t mean to… ah… _use_ me, but…”

“Did you guys talk at all before jumping right outta your pants?”

“...No,” Kokichi admitted, letting out a long breath. “I kinda… Went in assuming he wouldn’t sleep with someone he weren’t interested in romantically.”

Miu smiled sympathetically, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. “God… I’m sorry, ‘Kichi.”

He squeezed her hand back, casting her a grateful smile, then looked back down at the table and closed his eyes, trying his best to ignore the tears pricking at his eyes.

 

* * *

 

_Kokichi took in a sharp breath, wrapping his arms around Shuichi’s neck and clenching his teeth, hips bucking as Shuichi filled him again_

_And again_

_“So fucking beautiful...”_

_Each word punctuated by a sharp thrust and Kokichi’s head was spinning_

_He felt hot tears spilling down his face again and looked away--tilted his hips back to try for a better angle--cried out sharply, stars pricking at the edge of his vision--he reached up to grab the headboard--fingernails scratching at the varnish on the wood, leaving marks to remember him by--remember this by_

_Shuichi didn’t say anything, just gripped his hip tighter, flung one of Kokichi’s legs over his shoulder, pressed his free hand against his stomach where he could feel the muscles in his abdomen clenching--releasing--twitching around him_

_He felt too hot, too much, too full_

_Too much of everything_

_Filled to the brim_

_Of Shuichi’s love or just his cock, he had no idea._

 

* * *

 

“...He said I was beautiful. That's not... Really something I've ever heard from anyone that was just in it to fuck me, so I guess that’s why I thought…”

The tears threatened to spill out and he bit his tongue, shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter. I should have figured he was just lying about that to make me feel good. And I should have asked him how he felt first.”

“...You _are_ beautiful, though.” Kokichi looked up suddenly, eyes wide. Miu’s jaw was clenched--her nails digging into his palm. “Call it cliche, or just me bein' a real fuckin' good best friend, but he wasn’t lying ‘bout that, dipshit. Yeah, he doesn’t love you--and yeah, that’s fucked up, ‘cause you’re my best friend, and you’re an annoying lil shit sometimes, but any guy’d be lucky to have ya. But honestly?”

She let go of his hand, reaching over to grab the drinks menu, and shoving it in his hand.

“He’s still your friend, and if there’s one thing I know about Shuichi fuckin’ Saihara, it’s that he cares about his friends. Hell, he'd do almost anythin’ for you.”

“...You’re probably right.”

“‘Course I’m right! I’m a fuckin’ genius!” Miu crowed, taking the menu from him again, opening it, and laying it flat on the table. “Now pick your poison--you can talk to Shuichi later, but you’re not leaving this restaurant completely sober. Them’s the rules for a broken-heart binge.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_The bedsheets were practically silk to his touch, the relaxing sensation of a warm bed practically paradise to his aching muscles._

_The window was too far away for him to look out from where he was sitting, but he could hear the still-jubilant birdsong through the screen, a cool breeze grazing across his bare shoulders._

_Quiet._

_Save for the sounds of city life and bathwater running in the background._

_The bathwater stopped._

_The door creaked open, and the bed dipped where Shuichi sat beside him, gently pulling back the sheets that barely covered his naked form._

_“Bath’s ready.”_

_Kokichi simply hummed in acknowledgement and closed his eyes, muscles feeling like syrup stuck to the bed._

_“‘Kichi?”_

_He yawned, then forced himself to prop himself up on his elbow. “Yeah, yeah. I gotcha.” He looked up at the other boy and winked mischievously. “Not bad for a first timer.”_

_“O-oh,” Shuichi stuttered, suddenly self-conscious, and looked away. “...Was it that obvious?”_

_Kokichi blinked back at him, mouth opening and then closing again. “I… was joking, Wait, that was seriously your first time?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Holy shit.” He sat up straight, stretching his arms above his head and wincing at the dull ache deep in his hips. “Consider me honored.”_

_“No, it-” Shuichi flushed a little deeper, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “The-the pleasure was all mine.”_

_“Was it really?” Kokichi snickered, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “Well, I’m not carrying myself to the bath.”_

_Shuichi rolled his eyes, letting out an amused huff and got up to gather the smaller boy in his arms. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty.”_

_“Damn right I’m lucky,” he crooned, wrapping his arms around Shuichi’s neck with a grin._

Damn right.

In fact, I think...

I think if we could stay like this forever, that would be all I could ask for.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't beta this, I wrote it for a group of RP blogs on tumblr that we're running  
> And ive never written a sex scene before shrug emoji


	2. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi Saihara is good and fine and happy to be friends, and he will tell himself that until he believes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I highly recommend you read through and follow the RP blogs, so you have a better sense of what's going on! The story is going to happen over the blogs as well as in fics posted here. I'm excited to be collaborating with lumiinarii on this fic! I wrote this chapter, and it takes place around the same time as the last, only from Shuichi's perspective.  
> Balso. I have not beta'd this at all! No rules just right Twenty Frankenstein-Teen: Become the Monster.  
> Also, this chapter is sex-free. No sex here.  
> Next chapter will likely be different.

Shuichi stared at, or rather, through his phone screen.

He had already processed the words and was now attempting to follow the frantic trains of thought speeding through his mind: too much noise and not enough answers. _Little Saihara, always too caught up in tears to focus in on facts._

Facts.

Kokichi Ouma was his friend.

Friends!

Friendsfriendsfriendsfriendsfriends.

He branded the word onto his mind, now if only his heart would get with the program.

Focus.

Relax.

Kaito would not approve of his posture.

Shuichi sat hunched over his desk, every muscle in his body contracting as he grasped onto the small device, legs pulled together tightly, knuckles white as if any release would unravel him entirely. It probably would.

Who cares what Kaito would think about his posture? Kaito wasn’t in his bedroom, he wasn’t even in the building. Most likely, he was sharing blissful morning kisses with the man who loved him wholly and completely, from dusky night through clear morning.

Which is good and great for him.

Shuichi finally unclenched and sat up straight.

He didn’t feel like moving into any position wherein his bed might enter his peripheral vision. He needed to change the sheets, that’s why he didn’t want to look at the bed. Dirty, dirty sheets; how the whole **_fuck_** had he gone this long without changing the sheets?

_Nishishishi_

Auditory memories were taunting him again.

He knew why he hadn’t changed the sheets. Because of sweat and jasmine and saliva and cinnamon and sex; all things gross and lovely and human that reminded him of the time he shared with the cutest, cruelest, most beautiful boy in the goddamn world. The same boy who had slept with an army of people before him, who would sleep with more and more and more men after him. The history of Kokichi Ouma’s love life formed a pointillist masterpiece, and Shuichi was a spec on the canvas.

And Shuichi was fine with that!

Usually, he was absolutely okay with it.

You don’t know a boy for eight goddamn years without knowing who he is.

You don’t love a boy for years without accepting what can never change.

Shuichi’s posture had reverted to it’s “unmanly” bent state, and a different voice entered.

_“You’re a strong, intelligent, gorgeous man Shuichi! Stand like it!”_

_…._

_Don’t wanna._

Shuichi collapsed his upper body onto the desk and released a lazy shout that quickly transformed into a groan.

Just as Shuichi prepared to allow himself to abandon his chair altogether for the nice, welcoming, forgiving floor, he felt his phone vibrating insistently.

A glance at the screen revealed the cause of this disturbance, an incoming video call from Kaito Momota.'

Fuck.

Kaito didn’t fuck around, straight to the video, every time. Even worse, Shuichi knew that a missed call would just result in a shouting Kaito at the door, screaming at the neighbors and nearly breaking down his door to rescue his definitely dead friend.

Shuichi sat up, rolled his shoulders back and fixed his, greasy, always greasy, hair before picking up the phone.

Unfortunately, these extra efforts proved useless, as the sudden noise pounding from his phone’s overworked speakers startled him into a new position.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-“

Shuichi probably should have turned the volume down before picking up.

The battle cry continued.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH-“

Maybe he had time to grab some water; would Kaito notice if he left the phone here?

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

Kaito punctuated the end of his opening statement with another excited “YEAH!” before continuing.

“What up, What UP?! So how’s it feel to no longer be a **single** virgin-"

Shuichi bristled at the comment. Kaito continued breathlessly, as per usual, but Shuichi stopped hearing him, instead, he waited for his excited friend to breathe and focused on his new Word of the Day.

Friends.

“-Man I SWEAR I want to get at _least_ a shout out at your wedding, I mean _come_ **_on,_** you owe me! Can you believe how I set that shit UP?? I mean, how you _feeling_ man?”

A break. Shuichi’s turn to talk.

Okay. Breathe.

“Still Single.”

Shuichi wanted to say it casually, with a smile, like he was unbothered, he _was_ unbothered, but his expression betrayed him, and the words came out with a crack and a grimace.

“I-,” Kaito, Kaito _Momota_ , Luminary of the stars, was silent.

 

_Guess I’m not the only broken one._

 

Wait no, Shuichi was fine, not broken. Totally cool.

 

Once the astronaut’s brain rebooted, he replied.

 

“Dude. What happened?”

 

Shuichi exhaled.

 

“I think you can guess. We slept together. He’s Ouma; he does that with people, it was-

 

 _Incredible_. _Amazing_. Images of violet hair, the feeling of lips against his, collar bone under his open mouth, deep moans, Kokichi, Kokichi, Kokichi,

 

_Nishishihshi_

 

“-fine, yeah, really cool, thumbs up for sex!”

 

Who let Saihara speak whoever taught him how to talk needs to be jailed for their crimes.

 

“-but yeah, that’s all. We’re still friends, and anyways Kaito, I’m sorry, but I have a big test to study for, so I really have to-“

 

“Do you want to stay only friends?”

 

Kaito looked through him. He wasn’t smiling anymore, _fuck_ , why did he have to do that?

 

Saihara stuttered, “y-yeah, I mean-“ _Breathe_. “I want him to be happy. I’m not going to be some loser clinging onto him; I’m not trying to get hurt.”

 

He swallowed the second half of the sentence. _I'm not trying to get hurt more than I already am…_

 

A new, decidedly exasperated voice entered the conversation.

 

“Did you TALK to him???”

 

 **Amami**.

 

Shuchi should have figured he would be there too.

 

Kaito sometimes liked to maintain the illusion of one-on-one conversations, but Shuichi knew better by now. The two boys were inseparable, and bless his heart, Kaito was not the type to keep ANY secrets from his fiancé, regardless of whose secrets they were.

 

“Hi, Amami.”

 

Green hair peaked into the frame, and the third boy continued,

 

“Answer the question, Shu.”

 

Shuichi squirmed.

 

“I mean, we talked, we did _have_ to _talk_. I don’t know if you know how sex works but generally, people do agree on it verbally, and I hate how **_absolutely_** I can confirm that you two _know_ talking does indeed happen during certain activities-“

 

“BEYOND the fucking, moron!” Back to Kaito then. “Didya talk about, ya know, feelings! Emotions! Your potential futures together! LOVE LANGUAGES!”

 

For once Shuichi found himself missing the old Kaito, the _Definitely_ Not Bisexual Macho ManTM who expressed every emotion with his fists. Punchy boy would never ask such questions, and he would _certainly_ never exclaim counseling strategies in the same tone he uses to discuss preferred protein powders.

 

Looking away from the camera, Shuichi replied,

 

“I mean, n-no. If that’s what you’re asking, I guess, we did not. But, I mean, you can look on Tumblr.”

 

Shuichi looked at the faces of his two friends, lucky, in-love, _engaged_ assholes, and continued with new rage.

 

“Kokichi confirmed it! This is all he wants, I mean, this is what we want. He’s already onto something newer, more exciting. I was his Virgin Boy, and that’s cool, but I’ll be lucky if he wants to even sleep with me again, let alone-"

 

Shuichi thought of the cool back against his chest, splashes in a bathtub, shining violet eyes-

 

He wasn’t going to cry.

 

“-I, I have to go, I have that test. I’ll talk to you later Kaito, same with you, Amami-“

 

“Wait, Shuichi-“

 

Kaito’s gaze softened, yet something still appeared tense. His brows furrowed and he rubbed his temples before he spoke.

 

“I’m not going to say anything but just, talk to him. It sounds like you guys didn’t actually talk, and Tumblr notes are not really the place to discuss years worth of pinning, you know what I mean? I know you must feel, not, great but…I love you man, and, just trust me on this one. Please. Promise me you’ll have a conversation with him, at least try.”

 

Shuichi couldn’t deny his friend.

 

“Okay, I promise I’ll talk to him, for real. About feelings.”

 

Kaito smiled.

 

“That’s my sidekick! Now, Rantaro and I are going on our weekly bouldering session. If you want you can come with, Rantaro practically owns the gym now and-“

 

“Test. Study. Goodbye Kaito.”

 

Before Kaito could try and trick Shuichi into exercise, he hung up the phone.

 

Shuichi had Kokichi’s number, in addition to every username, email address, and URL the boy had tried since they first parted ways in elementary school. He knew Kokichi was free today.

 

He could call him any time.

 

But there was no way he was going to.

 

Shuichi may not be able to deny his friend, but he could certainly lie to him.

 

He did have a test to study for after all.

 

But first, laundry.

 

It was time to change the sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will our boys ever learn to communicate?? Only time will tell.


	3. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi and Shuichi get ready to see each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for unhealthy relationship to sex, drinking, and negative self-talk.

A furry taught him how to drink. 

He didn’t want to admit it, but dammit if that quarter Portuguese asstronaut didn’t illuminate the goddamn stars in the form of forever cheap, delicious, **cheap** , _vino verde_.

He held the bottle by the neck and twirled it around, watching the liquid splash against its glass sides.

Only half a bottle tonight.

Kokichi wanted to limit himself.

His room was messy, as it should be. Much easier to hide evidence at a moments notice, depending on who walked in and what exactly he didn’t want them to see. Nevertheless, he parted the seas of laundry to ensure he had full access to the mirror. He needed to look fucking good.

He surveyed what he was working with.

 _Chubby, ugly, bad, stupid, terrible_ -

Not helpful.

 

From the top.

 

His hair was pulled high on his head, secured with a barrage of secret bobby pins, and just enough loose pieces to look casual. Kokichi had practice achieving this updo, and knew it was battle ready. Stayed off his neck, away from his mouth, out of his eyes.

 Next, back down.

Semi-sheer black thigh highs adorned his legs, hugging his plump thighs and stopping tauntingly close to the curve of his ass, just enough flesh revealed between the stockings and soft underwear to tease. Kokichi was good at teasing. He was good at all of this, it was at least, something to be good at. His staggering experience etched guides in his mind, rules to follow. Underwear. Black. Simple. Clean, obviously, but no frills, no cutouts, just soft fabric that could easily be moved to the side. They generally preferred to do him that way, and it’s not like he had many ways to direct them with his face smashed down. It doesn’t take many ripped blood-stained panties for a teenager to learn that a large pack of soft undies outranks any designer ensemble.

As an adult, he sometimes splurged on nice things. He was human and would squeal as much as any vain genderfuck faggot when he discovered a _La Perla_ tonga amid piles of lace at the sample sales he and Miu frequented when they were feeling fancy post cash transfer. But those were for him. Just for him. 

Guys liked it when he wore stuff like this. Well, he liked it too, but in a different way, for different reasons. Honestly, when he had fantasized about being with Shuichi, he mostly imagined himself completely naked in the other boy’s arms, those large hands exploring his body, moving up towards his-

 

Not tonight. (Not like that.)

 

Back to the task at hand.

The man was capricious, but this wasn’t a game.

Almost done.

 

He slid on a tight black crop top. It added to the overall aesthetic, made the look more cohesive. Most importantly, it hid his chest.

He wasn’t dysphoric or anything, it wasn’t about that, but he just couldn’t afford for them to be out tonight, it was too dangerous, and this wasn’t about him. He had a mission and couldn’t deal with distractions.

Finally, accessories. Necklaces. At least two. A choker, for looks, sometimes for function, but not tonight. No, tonight a delicate golden chain served as his multipurpose tool. A necklace that transformed into handcuffs.

The internet was fucking amazing.

Satisfied with his uniform, Kokichi bent down to scour what he lovingly referred to as a “walk-on closet,” stopping when his hand grasped something so thick it could only be his target. He scooped the item up like a claw lifting a prize and held the garment out in front of him. Shocking pink, nearly cushion, and almost his height: the best down coat in the universe. A winter hoe’s best friend. This walking sleeping bag that obscured his figure from December through March would keep him warm in anything. Once again, a well-tested companion. 

He was ready.

He could do this.

 

One last swig of wine for good luck and he could totally do this.

 

He hopped out of his bedroom and into the living room/dining room/kitchen. It was a small apartment. He and Miu were lucky to have their own rooms with doors in this city, and they wouldn’t be able to afford even this without the H.Peak fellowship. A narrow hallway offered doors to his room, the bathroom, Miu’s room, and a laughably miniature storage closet before opening to the space where they spent most of their not shitting, sleeping, or fucking time. They sometimes also spent their fucking time here.

Aforementioned roomie was currently stationed on the floor in between the couch and coffee table where they had most of their meals and got high while watching vine compilations.

She was entirely pant-less, obviously, save for the plastic grocery bag that didn’t cover anything other than a sliver of thigh-once handles, now garters- and the tip of her dick, which was obscured by the tip of the bag. She wielded a pair of purple bedazzled craft scissors and stared at her junk with an intensity usually saved for late nights at the lab.

 

Kokichi couldn’t resist.

 

”I see you’ve stolen my idea.” 

He skipped towards his keys, which were definitely somewhere, probably around the kitchen counter.

“-Tsk, tsk, tsk. The great inventor, Miu Iruma. Not only a gaping holed cumslut but a thief! Intellectual property theft is a serious crime, you know.”

Miu didn’t bother releasing the scissors to flip the little rat off, half trimming and half gesticulating as she replied.

“HEY, My Sleepytime Shaver would be fucking FINE if it didn’t interfere with The Dream Diddler-“

The Dream Diddler- a fleshlight that senses when you are having a wet dream and offers a receptacle for any fluids released in the process. All the fun of nocturnal emissions with none of the clean-up.

“-so I’m trying out your jank ass method! It’s, decently effective.”

She wiggled her hips and her junk shook with her.

“Feels fucking freaky though, collecting this bag of me. Fuck, bet I could get us some money off this shit! You got any hook-ups, slut?”

Kokichi smiled as he grabbed his keys (which were in the fruit basket, of course.)

“I mean, probably. But since it’s my idea, you gotta split the proceeds with your favorite hoe, Kay??? “

Kokichi was headed out when he remembered he missed a step (fuck he was distracted.) He had to play it cool.

"Hey skankface, if I borrow your mascara will I get pink eye, or chlamydia?”

Kokichi smiled with his hands resting behind his head, his eyes shooting lasers of sweetness.

Miu nodded in reply, still focused on her trimming.

“Makeup’s in my bag shit dick- the one hanging off the door, pink- but it won’t make you any prettier. Maybe just grab the whole bag and use it to cover your face-“

She looked up, totally ready to watch her lil’ besties reaction, but fuck, if that didn’t all go to shit as soon as she saw his outfit.

 

Miu put the scissors to the side and sat up with as much power as she could muster while still half-naked, on her knees, with a pube filled plastic bag hung between her legs.

“Where are you going Kokichi.”

 

No insult. Barely a question.

Serious.

Time to turn it up.

“Wow! The cumdumpster doesn’t know what a booty call looks like!! Aww honey, just because it takes most people a fifth of something strong to get into bed with you doesn’t mean that none of us get gentleman callers! I didn’t think it was possible with that face but you’re even dumber than you look! I’m just doing business babe, and I’m damn good at my job.“

_Yeah, not buying it baby._

“If you’re calling me dumb you must be upset cause we all know the only thing bigger than these p e r f e c t tits is this world-class brain-”

 

She took a breath. She wasn’t even going to comment on the drinking part.

“Kich. Are you going to talk to him.”

How the fuck did she learn how to see through him?? They were down to live together after the summer retreat, aka, the summer where a cohort of intelligent, capable, fucking freaky 18 year olds almost killed each other, but that was just because Miu was the only one chill enough to be down with his lifestyle, hell, she got off to it. He didn’t fucking ask for a fucking sister/best friend. Now he would take a fucking bullet for her.

 

Bitch.

He looked down into the pink purse, pretending to judge its contents.

“Mmmmm might not be a lot of talking if he gets his way, besides” Kokichi pulled out the mascara tube and pointed it towards his open mouth, pressing out his tongue against his inner cheek to mimic a blowjob. “Might not be much room for talking if you know what I mean” He angled the fake phallus straight down and gasped as though choking. Fake deep throating always got her.

But not today.

“Kich-”

Kokichi noticed something. She looked flustered, more than usual. The mime act didn’t usually turn her on, and that wasn’t the kind of distracted she seemed to be. Something was up.

“-I’m worried about you. Drunk Tumblr posting on a weeknight? How many times did you play Your Best American Girl? Your shit nasal gremlin voice cannot do that titless siren justice” She struggled to avoid two truths as she focused on the frivolous. “Just try to talk to him. He’s a nerd who definitely has at least 3 dark fetishes and a bad dragon something, but, hey, if he’s good enough to be in a cohort with the gorgeous girl genius, The One and ONLY Miu Iruma, he must have some sort of brain.”

Finally ready to go, Kokichi began the process of unlocking their excessively complex door.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, but just cause I’m sooooo tired of hearing your big pigmonster voice spew pathetic desperate sonic pollution into my delicate sexy ears”

That was as good as she was gonna get tonight.

“Hey, if you tell anyone I said any of that fake ass hallmark ejaculate horseshit-“ she grabbed the top of the plastic bag with her fist and shook it in his general direction “I SWEAR I will empty this bag into every lube container and lotion tub you own!”

Back to normal.

“Touch my shit and the Hitachi gets it.”

Finally exiting, he called out 

“Love ya Skank!”

His accidental adopted sister replied with her usual grace. 

“Fuck a duck, Slut!”

 

* * *

 

 

_“Well, if Kokichi’s blog is anything to go by, and this is who I think it is, probably a cute guy”_

 

He actually typed those words. His fingers went and they moved and they pressed the screen in all the right places to make those letters and spaces that formed those words in that order.

H-

**_How?_ **

Kaito was partially to blame. He was a brilliant physicist but fucking reckless as ever, even in his twenties. He was the true mastermind, convincing Shuichi to say ungodly bold things and make Kokichi put his money where his mouth is. Or, put other things where his mouth is. Oh _god,_ his mouth.

Trying to shake dangerous images out of his mind, Shuichi paced through his apartment from end to end. It didn’t take very long. He couldn’t quite complain, he was one of the few in his fellowship to have an apartment with, Gasp! No roommates! And, oh, what’s that? A device that transports things to different floors in the same building?! “ _I, I feel like I’ve seen that before!_ ”

He remembered how Kokichi teased him, affecting an unidentifiable accent while claiming to not know this word “el-ey-valor.”

 

God, he was cute.

 

And hot.

 

And literally on his way over right now oh god.

Kokichi would be buzzing the door any minute now. A text confirmed his imminent arrival. He stared down at the screen, re-analyzing the string of emojis. Kokichi’s texts made him glad he was studying forensic science alongside restorative justice. Although, while the detective experience helped, he feared he would soon have to look into securing an additional scholarship to study hieroglyphics.

Kokichi was going to come over and Shuichi was probably going to have sex for the second time in his life.  

 

Okay.

 

Okay!

 

Okay, okay, OK!

 

He needed to clean.

Growing up with maids taught him to keep a clean house, habits that were cemented in adolescence through years of trying to assist his chronically overworked uncle. Shuichi hoped that his parents might visit him more now that they were in the same country, but they preferred to send their love through CitiBank. 

Shuichi missed his uncle. Shuichi didn’t really talk about guys much with him, but he knew about all the girls. He was there for him when Kaede held and then broke his teen heart, there when he found out she was one of the four kids from his high school to be accepted for the same fellowship. He was also, unknowingly, there when he couldn’t stop talking about his new best friend Kaito. Kaito, who was so strong. Kaito, who was sooo smart. Kaito, with that broad chest; Kaito, who made him feel warm and flustered and safe and-

Shuchi figured the guy must have some idea that his nephew was just the bittest bit bi.

As he re-arranged his decorative couch pillows for maximum aesthetic appeal, Shuichi thanked god that he got over that crush by tenth grade.

Shuichi longed to talk with his uncle about the current source of his anxiety, who weirdly, had met him once before, on a playground.

Kokichi Ouma.

The elementary school cutie who got away and somehow, by some great miracle/cruel prank the little rat would likely appreciate, returned, 18, gut-punchingly hot, and _blessedly_ , flamboyantly gay.

 

If it weren’t for all the other people Shuichi had **_absolutely_ ** never met until, fuck, almost two years ago, he would be convinced that H.Peak was actually a scam to get him in a room with everyone he had wanted, or currently wanted, to fuck.

At least now he had done it.

 

_It._

 

The fuck thing.

Jesus holy fucking christ, how the fuck had he even gotten to this point? He should be rewatching mcr videos in bed right now, instead, he was about to see a boy. A boy with a cute face and a nice ass and hair that he just wanted to grab and pull until he moaned and-

Shuichi’s thoughts devolved into a mental keyboard smash.

He also needed to talk to the boy, to Kokichi, because Kokichi was not just any boy. He was intoxicatingly clever, funny, and caring when he felt safe enough to be. He played games but Shuichi was happy to work with him through every puzzle just to get a bit closer. Shuichi tended to fall for people who helped him be bold. Kaede and Kaito had big personalities and wanted to see him be a hero, or at least, a sidekick. Kokichi uplifted him in a different way. He didn’t give speeches about bravery or proper exercise regimens, but his playfulness and ease allowed for brief moments where Shuichi felt the constant crush of anxiety lift away, where he could be, and be spontaneous and goofy and laugh and let someone else carry the world for a while. Kokichi made him feel like he could do anything, but also, like he didn’t have to do everything.

And that was why he had the most pathetic puppy dog crush on the notorious, decidedly non-commital slut. The brash, the shameless, Kokichi Ouma.

BUZZZZZZ

Who was currently at his apartment, ohgodohgodohgod.

Quick oversee of the apartment. Livingroom and Kitchen? Clean. The shades were drawn and pillows arranged to his liking. Bedroom? Hnnnng, clean. Condoms available, also lube, and the ensuite was stocked with mouthwash and towels if needed. Office? Closed, because, no. He couldn’t keep it up while thinking about all the assignments he had to do.

But, it wasn’t all about sex. He promised Kaito he would talk to him. About Feelings. With the boy infamous for having none (even if he was sure that wasn’t true).

BUZZZZ BUZZZZ BUZZZZZZZZZZ

Shit, he forgot to actually let him in. Shuichi pressed the button until he got a text from the siren himself.

….

Shuichi figured an eggplant and clown smiley meant he got in.

Which also meant he would soon be at the door.

Shuichi took a brief moment to address his reflection in a nearby mirror. His hair was greasy, his skin was oily, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. So like usual. He contemplated finding his old hat when-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Rhythmless, demanding, door-pounding. The sweet sonic sign of his crush. It was time.

Shuichi took a deep breath and opened the door.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there will be sex in the next chapter, but it won't be all the way pleasant. We've reworked this fic a bit.  
> To get the full story, check out the accompanying tumblrs! We're going to make a tag for all the story relevant posts.


	4. A Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi and Shuichi keep their mouths moving but fail to talk, again. 
> 
> CW: Explicit sex, implied sex as self-harm. Under the cut, there is self-harm, panic attacks, self-hate, and internalized victim-blaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Explicit sex, implied sex as self-harm. Under the cut, there is self-harm, panic attacks, self-hate, and internalized victim-blaming. 
> 
> D o n e. 
> 
> I had been trying to write this chapter one way for months, then finally, a few days ago, I tried a different approach, and here we are. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Things get Pretty Explicit so be Prepared for that. 
> 
> Also, to give you a heads up if ur Head's Up, it starts with sad, then sex, but after the cut, back to sad. 
> 
> Oh yeah and I'd like to dedicate this to my pal and love dietshuichi thanks for letting me steal ur personality and preferences.

Kokichi pushed Shuichi lips first, hands quickly pressing onto his cheek, pushing up underneath his shirt. Shuichi had to hold his arms out to avoid tripping over his own feet. Kokichi's kisses were rapid yet purposeful, starting shots for a race with a visible finish line; Kokichi barreled forward.

Shuichi's lower lip had just been sucked into Kokichi's violent mouth when Shuichi pulled back, teeth scraping against him in the process. They didn't speak, but it was far from silent. Kokichi watched straight-faced and wide-eyed as Shuichi pulled down his shirt and attempted to catch his breath.

_Well, this is going to be even quicker than I thought_ , Kokichi mused as he braced himself for the familiar rejection he sought.

But Shuichi didn't shout or scoff or laugh. Kokichi thought Shuichi might retaliate, and winced as he maintained eye contact and raised his open palm. But his hand moved past Kokichi's head and onto the door, pushing it closed.

The door. Which had been open.

_ Oh. _

Shuichi smiled too gently and spoke, "Ah-a, hi."

_ CLICK _

Kokichi heard the lock behind him close, then the deadbolt, and the other deadbolt.

Shuichi had a thing for security.

Once the door had been properly closed, Shuichi wrapped his arms around Kokichi's waist.  He bent at the knee to get to an appropriate angle and spun so that his back was now to the door, practically lifting Kokichi in the process. Kokichi hated himself for letting his weight fall onto Shuichi's welcoming arms.

Shuichi's smile refused to falter as he continued,

"Now, what the **fuck** are you wearing?

 

**Oh.**

 

Right.

Kokichi had forgotten about his ingenious solution for February ho-ery and had just dommed up his crush in a hot pink, floor-length, fluffy, marshmallow coat.

The walking sleeping bag.

Kokichi continued unphased. "Only my sleekest seduction wear. What? You're too good for "Baby's First Snow" couture? Slaying in Sleigh-bells? Marsh-my-Mello and _puff me up **Zaddy**_.

Shuichi broke into laughter, and Kokichi took the pause in active conversation as an opportunity to reflect. Anything to drown out that laugh.

Admittedly, Kokichi had been focused on other things. In fact, despite the physical nature of his actions, he had intentionally separated himself from his body. The point of this wasn't to feel. It was to stop the feeling.

But why did Shuichi have to look at him like that?

His detective was clearly amused.  


But more importantly, he wasn't his.

Kokichi looked up at Shuichi with mischievous eyes and then turned his gaze downwards towards his own body, inviting Shuichi to do the same. Kokichi pulled on the zipper and revealed what he was wearing underneath, certain that Shuichi would be more enthralled by what he _wasn't_ wearing.

When Kokichi glanced up again, he was pleased to see that this time, Shuichi's eyes hadn't followed along. Instead, they were lingering somewhere closer to Kokichi's thighs. Kokichi lowered his voice, "I wanted to surprise you," he stepped out of the coat completely, kicking it behind him with his stride. "Well," He was only inches away from Shuichi now, "Are you surprised?"

The laughter was gone, replaced by heavy breaths and unfocused, hungry eyes.

Before Shuichi could respond, Kokichi gripped the front of his shirt with both hands and slammed into him once again. He pulled Shuichi around pushed them both backward, not stopping until the backs of Shuichi's knees hit the edge of his couch.

With a final shove, Shuichi fell backward onto the plush cushions, eyes wide and arms raised above his head. Kokichi kicked off his shoes, climbed on top of him, and mashed their lips together. Kokichi was relieved to feel that Shuichi was already at least partially erect. _This shouldn't take too long,_ Kokichi assured himself as he aggressively massaged the growing bulge to further expedite the process.

Kokichi tried his best to ignore the hands wandering his own body, save for ducking out of the way when they neared any spot that might be too vulnerable, too sensitive, too difficult to ignore.

Kokichi simultaneously slipped his tongue into Shuichi's welcoming mouth and fumbled with the other man's pants, eventually releasing the button and undoing the zipper. Kokichi pulled Shuichi's pants down just enough to expose his cock. Shuichi gasped at the sudden shock of cool air, only to fall back into a moan as Kokichi stroked his erection.

As soon as his dick felt suitably hard, Kokichi lifted his torso up, pushed his sturdy black underwear to the side, and moved to ride Shuichi, when he was stopped by a trembling hand. Shuichi had lifted just enough to push Kokichi's hips aside. His expression was decidedly concerned as he furrowed his brows at Kokichi.

Kokichi paused at the sudden interference before continuing knowingly "Sweet~chi, I've been tested, and this slut is a hundo-P STI free! Now if it's _other_ concerns that have got your briefs climbing up your ass," Kokichi rubbed the space between his stomach and crotch. "With the hormonal situation I've got going on, plus my Lil' Copper Buddy- Let's just say that if you manage to get anything cookin' in this oven, we've got a lot more biblical armageddon-y problems than any clinic could deal with. Anndd on the topic of second comings~.

Shuichi's groaned, his body spasming and mouth opening wide as he felt the tip of his dick enter Kokichi.

 

But when he opened his eyes, he saw an image that immediately stripped the situation of any pleasure.

Kokichi's face was contorted in pain. He was wincing, steadying himself on the couch with a trembling hand as he tried to force his wholly unprepared body down onto Shuichi.

Shuichi felt his eyes water as he adjusted his hips to separate from Kokichi. Shuichi attempted to reach towards his face, but the moment Kokichi felt him pull out, the grimace was replaced by a charming smirk. Kokichi's face looked at ease.

But his hand was still trembling.

"What's the matter Sweeeechiiii? Hoping to fuck my mouth instead? _Nishishi_ ~ One fuck, and you're already bored of that hole? Well, luckily~ I have others."

Before Kokichi could dip his head, Shuichi cupped Kokichi's chin and lifted him up.

Shuichi's experience with sex was undeniably limited, and it was difficult for him to ascertain what was "normal" second hook-up behavior. However, he knew Kokichi well enough to know that this wasn't his normal. Something was up, so Shuichi wasn't.

Adjusting himself back into his briefs and lifting his body back into a sitting position, Shuichi stammered. "U-Um, a-actually," Shuichi knew better than to trust in Kokichi's cool expression. He focused instead on Kokichi's hand as he dug his nails into the side of Shuichi's couch.  


Shuichi gave Kokichi what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I just think this might be fun somewhere more comfortable, you know? I'm, ah, kind of falling off here."

He wasn't lying. His couch was not a stranger to sexual encounters, but like 99% of Shuichi's history, it was limited to solo trips and sized appropriately. Good for a quick release if he got home from work a bit too stressed, or annoyed, or distracted by a daydream he had on the ride home, and just couldn't make it to the bed. Not intended for real-life dalliances with real-life cuties, whose blessed weight pressed against him, and also pressed his back into the less-pleasant hardness of the couch's base. His lanky legs were awkwardly dangling, unable to fit onto the limited cushion space.

Kokichi took in the unbalanced positioning and stated factually, "Hm, I see your point. And I'd much rather see your other point. Welp, Let me just move my cutie Lil' booty over to the floor and you can just-" But he was cut off by Shuichi moving off the couch first.  


"I have a different idea- if you don't mind."

Before Kokichi could question him again, Shuichi scooped the smaller boy into his arms and held him up.  


"I want to take you to my bed."

Kokichi hadn't prepared for this. Bridal-style carrying was not on the agenda, did not align with their roles, but here Shuichi was, going off-script.  


Shuichi's room wasn't very far away, a fact for which Shuichi's un-trained arms were grateful. He really didn't want to be thinking about Kaito right now, but he felt his disappointed presence, chastising him for every weight un-lifted. As he moved through the "hallway," which was really more an extension of the living room/kitchen, his mind flashed images of Kokichi's strained face. Notably, Kokichi, who was always so careful with his expressions, deliberate in his disarming, hadn't tried to conceal the hurt, not until Shuichi pulled away. Shuichi wanted to doubt his own deduction as he connected cruel dots. 

_ He didn't think he had to.  
_

Kokichi didn't think his visible discomfort would dissuade him. Shuichi felt ill. Did people usually fuck him without any consideration for his pain, let alone his pleasure? How many times had it been like this? How many people saw tears in his eyes and kept going?

He held Kokichi tighter as they neared the door. He turned around, used his hip to turn the knob, and walked backward into the space, careful not to bang Kokichi's head. He laid Kokichi onto his bed, allowing his head to rest onto a pillow. Shuichi paused before joining him and traced his fingers back and forth along Kokichi's thighs.

Shuichi took a breath and asked, "Can I undress you?"

He looked to Kokichi for a response and was happy to see a serene expression. Kokichi's mouth was agape, and his eyes were glazed over, pointed in the general direction of Shuichi's lingering hands. The light tickle-scratch touch had soothed him. Then, as if waking from a dream, Kokichi swallowed and blinked up, mouth tightening as he sneered,

"Ugh, FINE. I guess if Shuichi needs a bit more ~ _visual stimuli_ ~, I can accommodate," 

Kokichi kept riffing as Shuichi pulled off his own shirt and positioned himself above Kokichi on the bed. "Now are we doing this or should I get my outerwear back on, cause I'll have you know that the full marshmallowzation process can take up to ten union minutes and-"  


Shuichi kissed Kokichi before he could continue.

Shuichi kissed him laggardly, in defiance of Kokichi's tempo. He found that he had no choice but to submit to the decadent, horrible, sensation.

Kokichi felt the hands he had been dodging traverse his body. One hand cradled his neck, fingers reaching to rest in his hair, and the other started at his thighs and traveled upwards, lingering below his waist and massaging the muscles around his hip bone. Kokichi's moans couldn't drown out the alarms ringing in his head. **DANGER.**  


Too much. Too good.  


Not real.

Kokichi might have attempted another snide remark had Shuichi not dragged the hand that was on his neck down to the frayed edge of his cropped shirt. Shuichi pressed his palms flat onto Kokichi's stomach and pushed underneath his top, pushing the fabric up and revealing Kokichi's chest. Shuichi's hands ran over Kokichi's hardening nipples, and the contact incited an involuntary cry. Kokichi spasmed with pleasure, jumping into the touch then falling back, breath heavy, feeling conflicted about Shuichi discovering the extent of his sensitivity.

With the pads of his fingers, Shuichi lightly tapped Kokichi's nipples, testing a hypothesis. Once again, Kokichi whimpered, this time, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to fight against the needlessly overwhelming sensation. Shuichi felt he had likely confirmed his theory, but extra assurance couldn't hurt. He let his fingers rest on Kokichi, rubbing gently in small circles as he spoke. "You're really sensitive here, aren't you?"

Kokichi thought it was a shitty question.

But he didn't say that, couldn't say much of anything when his whole body seemed focused on the minute movements of Shuichi's hands.

Kokichi hated this, or at least, he hated not hating it. He hated himself. He knew this couldn't go anywhere good, and yet he didn't move, didn't want to. He desperately wanted to live in this world, this space where Shuichi cared for him and kissed him softly and didn't let him hurt. He wanted it even if it wouldn't last. He was disgusted with himself for indulging in his sick fantasy.  


He hated liars.

But if he was going to hurt anyway,

Kokichi wrapped his arms around Shuichi and pulled him down, fully intending on bringing him into a deep kiss. Their lips met, but Kokichi only had a moment to savor the feeling of Shuichi's tongue entering his mouth before he was forced back with an embarrassing squeal. Shuichi had pinched his chest, hard.

Kokichi absolutely expected Shuichi to be laughing and was surprised to see that Shuichi was just as wrecked as he was. He was just barely avoiding drooling out of his panting mouth. They kept their faces close as Shuchi continued toying with Kokichi's reddened chest, loving the way his fingers could make the other boy cry out into his mouth. Enthused by the desperation in Kokichi's eyes, Shuichi lifted Kokichi's shirt off of him and tossed it to the side. Kokichi compulsively pouted when Shuichi first took those incredible fingers away, but he moaned in delighted relief as Shuichi raked his fingernails down his body, down his arms, over his chest, stopping at the tops of his thigh highs.  


Shuichi looked up at Kokichi and stated, "I didn't finish undressing you." Shuichi locked eyes with Kokichi, waiting for the go-ahead. As soon as Kokichi gave him a gentle nod, Shuichi lowered to Kokichi's thighs. Kokichi gasped as he felt teeth scrape against his inner thighs, followed by wet kisses trailing down his newly exposed legs. Shuichi lowered the stockings inch by inch, taking care to cover each revealed bit of flesh with open-mouthed kisses. Kokichi trembled and tried desperately to tune out the lingering warning bells.

He fell into Shuichi, enveloped in his warmth. He knew the spark would come and if he was sinking into tar, he didn't care because, at that moment, it was more than worth the cost of getting burned.  


Once Shuichi reached the ends of Kokichi's legs, he quickly pulled off the stockings and kissed the tips of his feet. He was almost entirely naked now. Almost.  


Kokichi looked at Shuichi and saw intense determination. He moved purposefully yet tenderly up Kokichi's body, this time, giving him only teasing pecks along the way. Kokichi, selfishly, stupidly, craved more. His legs parted unconsciously, his body revealing the desire his mind wanted to hide.  


Kokichi held his breath as Shuichi reached the edge of his underwear.

Kokichi's mind raced. Shuichi could run away, Shuichi could leave, he didn't want to be with him, why would he do something so intimate with a guy who was just an easy fuck. 

Shuichi positioned his face in front of Kokichi's clothed cock. His mouth hung open, and Kokichi could swear he felt Shuichi's hot breath against him. They both laid still, waiting, when Shuichi finally spoke out,  


"Kokichi. Do you want this?"

Against his better judgment, against himself, against any hope of self-preservation and leaving this situation unscarred, Kokichi whispered,  


_ "Yes." _

Shuichi's mouth on him felt more than incredible.  


He kissed him firmly over his underwear, flattening his tongue and licking a luxurious stripe up from his entrance to the tip of his cock. Once there, he pressed his lips down to wrap over the sensitive head and suckled gingerly at the obscene wetness.

Shuichi couldn't help but notice how soaked Kokichi's underwear had become, even before Shuichi had his mouth on it. The teasing and kissing had Kokichi pliant and dripping pre, in stark contrast to his earlier state.  


Shuichi liked the taste of Kokichi's come, and although having his mouth stuffed with Kokichi's used panties satisfied him in a way he wasn't quite ready to confront, he wanted nothing more than to feel Kokichi's bare cock against his lips.

He gripped onto the elastic and pulled down, careful not to tear the fabric. Kokichi graciously lifted his hips in support, and with that, he was entirely nude. This action reminded Shuichi of the fact that he had somehow momentarily forgotten; Shuichi had hands. Two of them even! And the fact that those hands were not being put to better use was absolutely criminal.  


As Shuichi went to lower his head once again, he lifted his hands, relishing in Kokichi's delirious moan when his fingers reached their destination.

All at once, Shuichi pulled at Kokichi's hardened nipples and fervently sucked over his dripping cock.  


Kokichi screamed.

Despite his lack of experience, Shuichi felt utterly comfortable and confident licking Kokichi's twitching cock. In fact, he found himself moaning into each kiss, letting his tongue explore, and suckling the soft folds to see what would make Kokichi scream the loudest. Shuichi was swept in complete supplication and all too eager to offer his tongue in worship.  


Startled by his own arousal, Shuichi- _a detective_ \- was suddenly able to put years of nail-biting, gum-chewing, and lip-worrying together. It only took over two decades and the noble sacrifice of hundreds of ruined pencils.  


On the topic of ruined pencils, Shuichi found himself desperately rutting into the mattress. Every lick brought him closer to his own edge. He didn't know how much longer he would last, only that he needed Kokichi, to have Kokichi fill his mouth.  


Uncomfortably hard, Shuichi longed for more friction but didn't want to take any attention away from Kokichi. Shuichi compromised by lowering one hand, making sure to offer Kokichi hard, slow laps, to compensate. Shuichi quickly adjusted his cock, bunching nearby fabric into a makeshift sleeve, anything to give him that bit of contact he needed. As soon as he felt there was just enough pressure, he rushed his hand back to Kokichi's chest.  


Kokichi was enrapt by the varied sensations, delighting in the way his loud pleasure quieted his ever-racing mind. He lifted his open legs, wanting to give himself entirely to Shuichi, to his perfect little mouth.  


As Shuichi rubbed into Kokich's gorgeously firm nipples, he realized with a groan that in the process of positioning his cock, he had coated his fingers in precome. The same fingers that were now making Kokichi buckle and shout. He thought about how Kokichi must look from above, his eyes squeezing tight, biting his lip, overwhelmed with pleasure, and his abused redded chest, streaked with Shuichi's come. Shuichi's legs began to quake, hips moving rapidly. He couldn't come yet, he couldn't not without Kokichi, he needed to taste his come, needed Kokichi to finish inside of him.  


He focused all of his attention onto Kokichi, wrapping his lips around him and sucking deeply, pulling Kokichi's cock in with strokes of his tongue. Shuichi flipped the tip of his tongue in the perfect spot, and suddenly, Kokichi thrust his hips up and crossed his ankles in the air. Before Shuichi could react, Kokichi pushed his heels down onto the back of Shuichi's head, forcing him onto his cock and completely cutting off his air.  


With that, Shuichi couldn't wait anymore. He came, whimpering into Kokichi. He felt himself make a mess out of his comforter, come sputtering out. He tried to keep his mouth moving but struggled to push through the spasms. As if in response to his misbehavior, Kokichi grabbed Shuichi by his hair, gripping tightly with both hands, and Not wanting to leave Kokichi hanging, he stuck out his tongue and allowed Kokichi to rut against him.  


Kokichi felt heat building: need on need. He tightened his grip as he pushed Shuichi's head faster. He wanted so much, felt so much. He looked down and as he saw Shuichi, beautiful Shuichi, pressed into him, so focused on his body. Kokichi couldn't help but come.  


He released his grip, and his legs shook upwards. He didn't realize his screams could get so loud, that orgasm could be this intense. He rode out the spasms as long as he could until the sensitivity started to hurt, and he pulled up his legs and rolled onto his side, panting.  


 

\-   -   -  


 

Kokichi kept his eyes closed as he attempted to catch his breath. He lay still and felt himself sink into the mattress. His limp body felt relaxed, but the wetness pooled between his legs was getting a bit icky. Moreover, naked atop the blankets, he was starting to feel cold. He stretched his legs back down and was surprised that he didn't bump into any limbs along the way. He smiled and rolled onto his back, ready to commend Shuichi on his excellent dodging skills, when he froze. 

 

Shuichi wasn't there. 

 

Of course he wasn't. 

 

Why would he be, they were finished.

There wasn't anything else he would want to do with him. Kokichi felt himself shiver and wrapped his own arms around his chest. Kokichi then realized with a start that Shuichi likely wasn't finished with him. His mind flashed to few times he had failed to get a guy off to their liking, not fast enough, not hard enough. Kokichi heard his breath before he felt it; he was breathing rapidly, and the shivers had turned into shakes. He felt a familiar stab of pain in his chest.

This was the exact opposite of what he came here for; he was so pathetic. Kokichi bit into his lip and pressed his nails into his skin. Did he think something had changed? That suddenly Shuichi would see him as anything more than an easy fuck? So pathetic, what? He wanted to be held? Cuddled? Tears welled in his eyes. A freak like him should feel grateful someone like Shuich could stand to touch him, and he couldn't even do that right. He couldn't breathe.  


 

This was worse than burning; he was drowning.  


 

He messed it all up he messed it all up, and now Shuichi was gone.  


 

 

\-   -   -

 

 

Shuchi swore he heard sobs as he approached the bedroom door, fresh sheets in hand. But as he turned the knob, the only thing he could see was Kokichi, bright-eyed and looking no different from when he first entered Shuichi's apartment. In fact, Kokichi seemed to vibrate with energy, jumping forward onto his knees as he exclaimed. "Guess you really live up to your title there, huh _Succi_? _Nishsihi_ ~ sowwy about all that!" Kokichi kept his hips in the air as he slunk his upper body onto the mattress, resting his weight on his elbows. Shuichi twitched as Kokichi's arms stretched dangerously close to the disgusting mess he really did Not want Kokichi noticing. Kokichi deepened his voice and looked up at Kokichi through his long lashes, spreading his legs further apart. "Now what do you want me to do for you? You can fuck me however you wanna, you know?"  


Oh god, Kokichi's hand was about to touch Shuichi's-no please, god no. Shuichi quickly interjected, "Oh! Um, well, I actually think I'm good. And, uh," Shuichi motioned away from the sheets, "I think you should get off the bed."

Kokichi lay still for a moment before leaping off the bed and facing Shuichi with an unnervingly wide grin. "Mmmhmm! Okay! Well, like I said earlier, I'm tooottally fine getting fucked on the floor. I can get on my knees right now-"

Shuichi cut him off, not wanting to linger on the fact that his desperate barely-not-a-virgin ass had finished without even needing Kokichi to touch his cock. "That's really, uh, not necessary." God, Shuichi could barely stand to make eye contact with Kokichi. Shuichi was so fucking gross, how could Kokichi even stand it?  


Shuichi began changing his sheets and so caught up mentally enumerating all the reasons why he was disgusting, it took him a minute to realize that Kokichi was unusually quiet. Before Shuichi could comment, Kokichi spun away from him and broke the silence.

"Well I've actually got another guy waiting up for me, so if you've had enough of my services, I'd like to get to my next appointment." Kokichi bent over to pick up his discarded clothing, dressing in fast, tight, motions.  


Shuichi tried to keep his body from dropping with his heart. He struggled to hear over the intense ringing before remembering his conversation with Kaito. Kokichi couldn't go like this.  


"Kokichi, wait, are you okay?" Shuichi barely managed to get the words out, in stark contrast to Kokichi, who quickly fired his response, 

"Never better! But I'll be bad if I'm late and I think I've already been punished enough for one night, so if you'll excuse me Saihara."

This wasn't right, this was not how he wanted things to go. Kokichi couldn't be leaving; they hadn't even talked. Shuichi called out, "Kokichi, wait- wait!" Shuichi reached out to Kokichi and brushed against the crescent indents on the sides of his arms. The contact seemed to spur Kokichi forward, who moved even faster out the door and out of the apartment, picking up his coat along the way but not bothering to put it on. He slammed the door behind him and walked into the hallway, half-naked and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Shuichi talked to Kaito about what happened, explaining that he was embarrassed and didn't want Kokichi to think he was weird. Kaito then proceeded to scream into a pillow for six hours before breaking his fist punching a wall. 
> 
> Okay but for real though:
> 
> \- they do talk next chapter
> 
> \- I have already written a lot of that chapter
> 
> \- It gives some context for those end parts. They have reasons for reacting the way they did. 
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading! Also, thank you for waiting!! We still plan on finishing this, and once they are all up, I'll likely edit some more. I want to say the rest of this should go at a better pace, but I'm just a disabled gay with a job so who knows. Time? I don't know her. 
> 
> It means so much to me that anyone at all is even a bit interested in reading what I write so seriously, thank you. 
> 
> Also, I desperately wanted to publish this and uh didn't really finish writing an end to this chapter, so there's likely gonna be three paragraphs added sometime tonight/tomorrow.


End file.
